Every day. Every moment. I feel lonely because I’m alone.
A bit of a boring story follws.
When I was a kid, I was smart, very smart. An almost photographic memory, very sharp and fast recall and ability to connect everything being said.
Fast forward, I had trouble connecting with children my age. For all my intelligence, I never realized that they were not on the same page. I was bullied or avoided.
My parents realized that at school I’m doing nothing, I didn’t seem to open my bag but my teachers weren’t complaining. When was I doing my homework? Well, in the class itself, when the teacher taught, I had my ears for her voice, and eyes for my notebook, don’t homework. My parents decided I should skip a class.
I’d one friend then. Now I had zero.
New class, everyone knew that I skipped. Yaay, even more bullying. My parents decided I should do some physical activity, playing cricket outside with kids is stupid. Bye bye newly made friends, it lasted 6 months.
At school, I was mocked, I was desperate for teachers attention. It was easy to get, just answer all the questions. No one told me that it was better not to answer all, things would be much better if I do not raise my hand, every single time. Even more isolation.
New school year, changing hormones, I had a crush! I didn’t know what it was, I was innocent. I just liked her. I used to sit next to her. She became a good friend. I was happy.
Mid year, the school decided to split my class into two sections. I went into one, she went to another. Bye bye friend, bye bye friendship :).
The summer came, I could go swimming again. I hated it, but the instructor was harsh. I swam 1 – 2 Km a day. Bullying started anew, after summer break. I beat the shit out of my bullies this time. I was strong, physically.
During college, I liked a girl on FB . She became my friend. I fell for her. I was also depressed.
Do you know what stupidity is? I told her that I liked her and told her to reject me so that I can get over it. I was depressed, looking forward to a dead end job, it was better not to involve her and waste her time with my worthless self.
One day she stopped talking to me, I felt lonelier than ever. I never knew why she did that. I cried, but I felt happy for her. Who would want to be near me anyway?
- I started taking Drugs life was full of Drugs but Life is about Move on